Physical abuse counselling

Physical abuse is an overwhelming experience to go through. Trauma in the body occurs when our natural instinct for survival kicks in. This means that any time we feel threatened or in danger, our body summons up a tremendous amount of energy to either fight the situation or flee from the situation. This energy triggers shock and the mind and body disconnect from what’s happening, while the body is being harmed. These feelings of shock and disconnection stay with you for a long time after. Once the violent relationship has ended it may take some time for the body’s response to stop reacting in this way.

Physical abuse significantly impacts your perspective of the world and how you interact and function in it. Physical abuse affects your thoughts, feelings, behaviors and also impacts on your mental stability. Increased anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder and depression are all symptoms that are common in people who experience this type of abuse.

Some common physical effects of physical abuse are; chronic fatigue, shortness of breath, muscle tension, involuntary shaking, changes in eating and sleeping patterns, sexual dysfunction, issues with women’s menstrual cycles or fertility. Self-medicating with alcohol or substances can become a coping mechanism. Self-harm may be another way that the survivor may try to bring control back into an ‘out-of-control’ life.

Being controlled by another through physical abuse, can create feelings of hopelessness. You may form negative views of the world and about yourself – feeling that you are unworthy of a better life. Self-esteem deterioration goes hand in hand with ongoing physical abuse, which can lead to a false belief system that you are alone in the world and that you are always unsafe. Isolating yourself from those who love you and mistrusting friends and family are direct results of being in a physically abusive relationship or situation.

Coping with the effects of physical abuse and domestic violence can be devastating because the victims control over the situation has been taken away from them.

Keeping yourself safe, while you are in a physically abusive relationship, is of utmost importance:

Stay away from places in the home that pose more of a danger to you. Don’t allow yourself to become trapped in small spaces or rooms. Move near to a room with a window or door that you can get out of, should you need to. Avoid rooms where there are dangerous objects ie. the kitchen – knives. If you can find a room that locks from the inside, you will be able to lock your abuser out.

If you are in a dangerous situation, you may need to consider giving your abuser whatever they are asking for in order to keep yourself safe. You have a right to protect yourself so if that means you need to act in the best interest of your well-being, there is nothing to be ashamed of.

Always have access to a phone and keep it on you at all times. Know your emergency numbers that you can dial out for free from almost anywhere. Call for help as soon as you are able to.

Remove yourself from the situation as soon as you can. Go to your neighbor’s house or go out in public where there are other people, to diminish any chances of a scene. Contact friends or family who will be able to protect you until you can get a ‘protection order’ or ‘restraining order’ in place.

Very often victims of physical abuse try to hide what is happening from their family and friends. If you have become aware of signs of physical abuse and suspect that a loved one is being abused, speaking frankly with them about this may not get the results you are hoping for. The abuser has spent much time programming them into believing there is nothing wrong with how their relationship functions. By you telling them what you’ve noticed and then telling them what to do to get out of their situation, you will most likely isolate them even further. It is crucial to allow our loved ones to make their own decisions and determine their next steps so as to empower them and allow them to feel in control of their life.

For your loved one to find the courage to leave their abuser, they need knowledge, confidence and a belief of their truth. This is where you come in – remind them of times where they did have power in their life. Help them to see the positive decisions they make daily and build their confidence. Create a safe space where they can speak openly. Do not try to get them to see things from your perspective, rather tell them your worries and what you have noticed. Remind them that they do not deserve to be treated like this and they are not to blame for what’s happened. Be a non-judgmental sounding board for them. Support your loved one through the long haul, as it can be a lengthy and trying process for all involved.

As complex and as damaging as physical abuse is, it is possible to overcome. This often requires coming to terms with hard truths about your reality. It also means having the opportunity to discover new inner strengths in a protected and safe space. Through your journey of healing, learning to develop positive coping mechanisms and learning to lovingly care for yourself, it is possible to rebuild positive relationships with yourself and with others. Wherever you are in your own journey, there is always opportunity to be empowered, become insightful and be brave. When you are ready to enter this space, call me, and watch your greatest self unravel into the strength YOU choose to become.